Why God Says It's Okay to Say No
Nov 20, 2025
Hi, I'm Julie Hawkes. Welcome to The Laws of Peace, where you will learn how to understand and apply God's laws in simple ways so that you can take small steps to create big changes and miracles and become the person you are always meant to be.
The answers are in the scriptures. Let me show you how to find them. Today's episode is called Why God Says It's Okay to Say No.
We are talking about the law of giving and receiving this month, and it has three parts. The first part states that you cannot give what you do not have. And it sounds so logical, like I cannot give you chocolate if I do not have chocolate.
And yet we give from a place of burnout. We give from a place of being depleted and exhausted and stressed out, and we just give and give and give and give. But why do we do that?
Why don't we say no? I have a few ideas. We may feel guilty when we say no.
We don't want to disappoint or let other people down. People might be angry if we say no. And isn't charity sacrificing everything?
Aren't we as good Christians supposed to give whatever, whenever, even when we're exhausted? To live the law fully of giving and receiving, we must come from a place of having before we can give. The law works like a loop.
We give and then we receive. We give and then we receive. We give and then we receive.
And if we interrupt that flow in any spot, then we're not able to receive anymore. And one way we interrupt that is giving from a place of not having, giving from that empty bucket.
If you give away, you can't give what you don't have, and we must fill ourselves first. It's the proverbial, put your own oxygen mask on first before you help someone else. So let's look at this in the scriptures.
We're going to start with the famous scripture in Moroni chapter 7 verses 47 and 48 that explains about charity. And this is what it says. But charity is the pure love of Christ and it endureth forever.
And whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him. You're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know that part. Okay, listen to this.
Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the father with all the energy of heart that ye may be filled with this love.
Right there, he's saying, get yourself filled up first and then give, that you may be filled with this love, which ye have bestowed upon all who are true followers of his son, Jesus Christ. God isn't asking you to give from empty.
He wants to fill us with his love so that we can serve others with his love, with his energy, with his resources. When you're burned out and empty, you have nothing to give. We must fill ourselves with God's love first.
So let's look at another scripture. King Benjamin is absolutely famous for his discourse on serving others. In fact, he said that you cannot be converted and retain a remission of your sins unless you serve others.
In verses in Mosiah 4, 12, and then 26 and 27, this is what he said. And behold, I say to you that if you do these things, you shall always rejoice and be filled with the love of God.
See, we're seeing this pattern of being filled with the love of God. And then this. I would that you should impart of your substance to the poor, every man, according to that which he hath.
He's saying, give what you have, not give what you don't have, according to what he hath, such as feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, visiting the sick, and ministering to their relief, both spiritually and temporally, according to their wants.
And then verse 27, And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order, for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. What's the Lord trying to tell you in this verse?
And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize. Therefore, all things must be done in order. What is the order?
The order is be filled with God's love first, and then serve others. Well, to do that, you're going to have to say no, which is where it gets really tricky.
God is not asking us to give it the cost of burnout, depletion, or not having enough time or resources to fill our own buckets with God's love first.
It's really interesting because God has commanded us to take care of our bodies, to take time daily to spend time with him through scripture study and prayer. But how many times do you put those things off because someone else needs something?
Now, obviously, this is a paradox, and I'm not saying you shouldn't feed your children or change your baby's diaper because you're reading your scriptures.
But don't for one second believe that God is asking you to sacrifice your own spiritual and physical health and well-being in the name of charity. The first part of the law of giving states, you cannot give what you do not have.
We must care for ourselves first and fill our own buckets of first. But to do that, we're going to have to say no, because the truth of the matter is, is that other people's needs and expectations will always exceed our ability to give.
Let's look at another beautiful example of healthy boundaries in the scriptures. This is in Matthew 25 verses 4 through 9. This is the story of the ten virgins.
I had never until this morning really considered that this was a story about boundaries. So this is what it says. I'm just going to give a quick review.
But the wise took the oil in their vessels with their lamps, while the bridegroom Terry did they all slumbered and slept. And at midnight, there was a cry made, Behold, the bridegroom cometh, go ye out to meet him.
Then all of those virgins arose and trimmed their lamps. And the foolish said unto the wise, Give of us of your oil for our lamps, for ours are gone out.
But the wise answered, saying, Not so, lest there not be enough for us and you, but go ye rather to them that sell and buy for yourselves. So why didn't the five share their oil? Isn't that charity?
And why didn't the Savior wait to begin the party until the five had gone and bought their oil? Isn't that the right thing to do? No, because charity is not overriding someone else's personal responsibility.
Let me repeat that. Charity is not overriding someone else's personal responsibility. The story of the ten virgins is a story of personal responsibility and preparation.
In order to be filled with God's love and have before we give, we must set boundaries. We must say no, even when it feels uncomfortable, even when someone else will be disappointed or upset.
God doesn't do for other people what they can do for themselves, and neither should we. Elder Bednar said this about the story. It was from his talk, Converted unto the Lord.
He said, were the five wise virgins selfish and unwilling to share, or were they indicating correctly that the oil of conversion cannot be borrowed?
Can the spiritual strength and results from consistent obedience to the commandments be given to another person? Can the knowledge obtained through diligent study and pondering of the scriptures be conveyed to one who is in need?
Can the peace the gospel brings to a faithful Latter-day Saint be transferred to an individual experiencing adversity or great challenge? The clear answer to each of these questions is no.
As the wise virgins have emphasized properly, each of us must buy for ourselves.
These inspired women were not describing a business transaction, rather they were emphasizing our individual responsibility to keep our lamps of testimony burning and obtain an ample supply of the oil of conversion.
This precious oil is acquired one drop at a time, line upon line and precept upon precept, patiently and persistently. No shortcut is available. No last-minute flurry of preparation is possible.
But so many times people come to us and they ask for us to give them something that we don't have or something that they need to do for themselves. This is where it gets tricky.
I think there's of the many, many, many lessons of the parable of the 10 versions, I'd like to highlight two. The first is that we're required to fill our own lamps, our own buckets first.
And then the second is that we're not responsible for giving what we don't need to give or for doing for others what they need to do for themselves, or that we should even miss the party because someone else wasn't prepared.
Saying no is a good thing. I know this is giving you a lot to think about in your personal relationships, in your personal space where you're saying, Wow, where am I depleted? Where am I feeling resentful in my life right now?
Where am I feeling exhausted? What am I not doing that I need to do to take care of my physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual health because I am too busy taking care of somebody else or something else?
There needs to be a boundary, and it needs to start with you first. So Haley Page in her book People-pleasing said this, and I love her view on this.
She said, when we lack a foundation of self-care and healthy boundaries, our generosity towards others is indistinguishable from self-abandonment.
But when we give from a self that is cared for, nurtured, and protected, our generosity isn't an abandonment of self, but an embodiment of self, an expression of our deepest values of kindness, compassion, and love.
Healthy boundaries aren't an impediment to generosity. They are prerequisite for generosity. I invite all of you to fill your own bucket, your lamp, with God's love first.
Then you can give from His endless store of love. This will require you to set boundaries with yourself and with others.
You will need to say no to some things, like your phone, and to some people so that you have the time and the resources to build your relationship with the Lord first.
What practices and habits do you need to be more consistent with to be filled with God's love? Lots to think about today, right? So many interesting ideas and concepts.
I invite you to share this podcast with somebody else and discuss it. Do you agree with me? Do you disagree?
What are your thoughts on this? I would love to hear from you. You can email me or text me.
Thank you so much for being here today.
