Why You Don't Need Self-Confidence

 The answers are in the scriptures.

 

 Today's episode is called Why You Don't Need Self-Confidence, What You Can Get Instead.

 

 It's actually a little bit controversial because it's an idea that maybe you haven't considered.

 

 And it kind of goes against what we're taught in the personal development world.

 

 The information that I am sharing with you today comes primarily from M.

 

 Catherine Thomas in her book, Selected Writings.

 

 She also has a BYU speech called The Doer of Our Deeds.

 

 And when she gave it, even back then, it was controversial.

 

 So you can go check it out to get more information about the things that we're sharing.

 

 I want to get started by telling you first, three main reasons why we don't feel lovable or why we get lost in who we really are, or why we feel less than and of no value.

 

 The first is that we are in a fallen world.

 

 When we came to earth, we were naturally separated from our Heavenly Father, our Heavenly parents, and there was a loss there because we loved them.

 

 And we also lost some of our glory when we came to the earth.

 

 Number two, we sometimes we live in ignorance to spiritual law, and or we commit sins, and those will separate us because our spirit knows what truth is.

 

 And when we're not following truth, it creates internal pain.

 

 Number three would be the sins or the misdeeds or the pain that other people cause us.

 

 Because we live in this fallen, crazy world, then people do damage to each other all of the time, and that makes us lose our way a little bit, lose who we are or what our value is.

 

 And so resistance shows up in our life.

 

 And I want to read this quote from Catherine Thomas, and I want you to see if you can recognize any of this resistance in your own life.

 

 If any of this is showing up for you.

 

 It is, here we go.

 

 Resistance to our spiritual natures manifests itself as guilt, despair, resentment, self-pity, fear, depression, feelings of victimization, fear over the scarcity of needed things and other forms of distress.

 

 These are functions of the fallen self, and we all necessarily experience them.

 

 However, the pursuit of self-esteem will not solve the problems of the self that is in conflict because of sin or even ignorant neglect of spiritual law.

 

 And then she goes on to talk about nothingness.

 

 We feel like we're nothing.

 

 Even King Benjamin expressed it when he says, Remember your own nothingness.

 

 And Moses mentioned it when he said, I know that man is nothing.

 

 This is a quote from Catherine Thomas.

 

 She said, We recoil at nothingness because we try so hard to overcome our feelings of unimportance.

 

 But nothingness does not mean valuelessness.

 

 The Lord assures us that we are each of infinite worth to him.

 

 Rather, nothingness refers to man's fallen and reduced state in this mortal fear and his all-encompassing need for the Lord.

 

 I feel like I have to pause there so you can kind of take that in because it's just such a different way to look at things.

 

 So what if instead of focusing on self-esteem and I'm special and self-promotion and I can do this and instead we focused on changing and letting go of the natural man.

 

 We read about the natural man in Mosiah 319 where it talks about the natural man is an enemy to God, right?

 

 We just read about that resistance.

 

 That was all natural man showing up in scarcity, showing up in resentment, showing up in distress.

 

 All of those things are natural man.

 

 Okay, so what do we do instead?

 

 But first, I want to show you an example of somebody who understood this concept.

 

 In Alma Chapter 26, it's kind of a mission reunion and all the missionaries and all the brothers have come together and they're all talking about the successes they've had and the mission that they've had and how wonderful it's been and how amazing it's been.

 

 And Ammon says this.

 

 He says in verse 11 and 12, he said, I do not boast in my own strength, right?

 

 He's not talking about self-confidence when he's saying that we had all these miracles.

 

 He said, nor in my own wisdom.

 

 But behold, my joy is full.

 

 My heart is brimmed with joy.

 

 I will rejoice in my God.

 

 Yet I know that I am nothing.

 

 See, we see that nothing again.

 

 As to my strength, I am weak.

 

 Therefore, I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God.

 

 For in his strength, I can do all things.

 

 Yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever.

 

 Are you starting to get this idea?

 

 Does it make you as excited as it makes me?

 

 Instead of fighting self-doubt every single day and saying, oh my gosh, I don't think I can do this.

 

 I'm not smart enough.

 

 I'm not pretty enough.

 

 I'm not rich enough.

 

 I'm not cool enough.

 

 I'm not whatever enough.

 

 Instead of focusing on ourselves and what's wrong with us and what we need to change, we get to focus on Jesus Christ and his ability to do the impossible and his ability to save.

 

 And we get to focus on overcoming the natural man, which will fundamentally change everything, because if we go back to the King Benjamin story in Mosiah, Chapter four, these people started to shift out of the natural man.

 

 They had a come to Jesus moment and they were filled with peace.

 

 Isn't that what you're really after anyway?

 

 Isn't that why you're trying to get this self-confidence or this self-esteem so that you finally don't hate yourself so bad or you're not so mean to yourself all the time anymore?

 

 Well, what if instead we went after the love of God and peace?

 

 It would shift and change everything.

 

 Let's go to the scriptures.

 

 This is what God says.

 

 The framework is for getting confidence.

 

 And President Nelson just gave a talk on this last conference, if you want to go check it out.

 

 So D&C chapter 121 verse 45. 

 

Here we go.

 

 Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly.

 

 Then shall thy confidence walk strong in the presence of God.

 

 Okay, there's two parts to this.

 

 The first is charity.

 

 And we have charity goofed up.

 

 We think charity is taking dinner to the neighbor.

 

 We think charity is helping somebody move.

 

 We think charity is saying yes when we really want to say no.

 

 And it is not.

 

 Charity is not acting from fear, obligation, or guilt.

 

 If you are doing something for one of those three reasons, that's not charity.

 

 It's not.

 

 Let's go read what charity actually is.

 

 In Moroni chapter 7, verse 47 and 48, these are the famous scriptures on charity.

 

 Listen to what charity really is.

 

 But charity is the pure love of Christ.

 

 And he endureth forever.

 

 And whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.

 

 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the father with all the energy of heart that he may be filled with this love, which he has bestowed upon all who are true followers of his son, Jesus Christ.

 

 Okay, so we have two main parts here.

 

 The first is virtue.

 

 It's the thinking that we think.

 

 And the second is charity.

 

 Let's look at another verse.

 

 In D&C 636, it says, Look unto me in every thought, doubt not, fear not.

 

 The Lord is giving us an invitation to doubt not and fear not.

 

 Why?

 

 Because we look unto him in every thought.

 

 When we change our thinking from self-criticism to self-condemnation, to what we're not enough of, to focusing on the negative, when we shift out of that and instead we put our eyes on Jesus Christ and we focus on his power to save, his power to do the impossible, his power to keep his promises, then that shifts us out of that anxiety that comes with self-doubt and it creates a peace inside of us because we have confidence in God instead of confidence in ourselves.

 

 And the second part is charity.

 

 That charity being filled with the pure love of Christ shifts and changes everything for us because now we're not in the resentment.

 

 We're not in judgment.

 

 We're not in worry and fear and all of those things.

 

 So how do we get the charity?

 

 The first I would like to invite you to is junk journaling.

 

 Write out all of your feelings and dump out the negative feelings and acknowledge them before you pray and ask to be filled with the love of Christ.

 

 And when you're filled with that love, anything feels possible.

 

 The third thing that we want to do to really step into that God confidence, instead of focusing on self, is we want to follow divine direction.

 

 Catherine Thomas said, What if one sees defining self-esteem or justifying one's pursuit of it and just ignored it?

 

 What if instead one just began to obey whatever divine instruction one was not obeying to sacrifice whatever needed sacrifice and to consecrate whatever one was holding back?

 

 What if one just set out to seek this Jesus that we read about in Ether chapter 12?

 

 It's changing the goal.

 

 It's changing the path.

 

 It's not about I am special.

 

 I can accomplish this self esteem is all about goals and accomplishments and self promotion and and focusing on the self and changing the self and being.

 

 It's all about the self.

 

 Whereas God confidence is stepping into and accepting our divine identity.

 

 We are children of God and as such, we have great power and tremendous potential and our value is unchanging and we step into that as we focus on Jesus Christ as we focus on their power, our Heavenly Father and our Savior's ability to keep promises and to accomplish miracles and overcome the impossible in our own lives.

 

 It's a complete change of focus.

 

 And in that change of focus, not only were filled with God's love and peace, but now we're able to accomplish our mission and purpose in a powerful way and to be filled with peace.

 

 Why wouldn't you?

 

 Right?

 

 Why wouldn't you?

 

 Let me review these three things really quickly, and then I want to end with the scripture.

 

 Remember, the first is we need to change our thoughts, virtuous thoughts.

 

 When we think virtuous thoughts, instead of self-criticism and self-condemnation, we look to Jesus and focus on his power to save.

 

 We offer compassion to ourselves.

 

 The second thing is we pray for charity.

 

 If you need to get all the negative feelings and thoughts out first, junk a journal, write it all in a piece of paper, and then throw that piece of paper away, and then pray to be filled with that love of Christ, because from that filled up love space, then it's easier to choose to help and serve other people and to be kind to yourself.

 

 And then number three, it's to follow through on the direction the Holy Ghost is giving you that you are currently ignoring.

 

 What is the Holy Ghost currently telling you that you are ignoring?

 

 I challenge you to take the step forward even though you're afraid, even though you're afraid it won't work and do that one thing.

 

 Thank you so much for being here.

 

 I want to finish with a scripture.

 

 This is also Ammon.

 

 He's also in Chapter 26, and I'm not sure that he can really convey his feelings, but I want you to try to tap into what he's feeling and what he's trying to express because he is the perfect example of somebody who is thinking virtuous thoughts, who's focused on Jesus Christ, who is filled with the pure love of Christ, and who has fulfilled his mission and purpose in life in this missionary experience because he was following divine direction.

 

 This is Alma Chapter 26, Verse 16.

 

 Therefore, let us glory.

 

 Yea, we will glory in the Lord.

 

 Yea, we will rejoice for our joy is full.

 

 Yea, we will praise our God forever.

 

 Behold, who can glory too much in the Lord?

 

 Yea, who can say too much of his great power and of his mercy and of his long suffering towards the children of men?

 

 Behold, I say to you, I cannot say the smallest part of which I feel.

 

 That is somebody who knows who they are.

 

 That is somebody who doesn't need self-confidence.

 

 That is somebody who is completely connected to God and his purpose and mission in life.

 

 And he is filled with the pure love of Christ.

 

 And it has brought him so much joy.

 

 And I wish that for you.

 

 And I've had those feelings before, and they are life-changing.

 

 Thank you so much for being here.

 

 Will you please share this with somebody else whom I enjoy it?

 

 I would love to grow the listeners on my podcast, and I need your help for that.

 

 So please share.

 

 And again, thanks for being here.

 

 Have a fabulous day.