The Problem With Gratitude

Hi, I am Julie Hawkes. Welcome to The Laws of Peace, where you will learn how to understand and apply God's laws in simple ways, so that you can take small steps to create big miracles and changes, and become the person you were always meant to be.

The answers are in the scriptures. Let me show you how to find them. Today's episode is called The Problem with Gratitude.

And this month, we are focusing on the law of increase. Now remember, all of these laws lead to abundance.

They lead to more, more money, more better health, more connection in our personal relationships, feeling God's love more, and they're so important. And so we want to learn how to access and apply these laws better in our lives.

And this is the law of increase. It states, when you learn to take what you have and build upon it, not with scorn and condemnation, but with praise and gratitude, you are working the law and the law will give the increase.

That is from Raymond Holywell in his book, Working the Law. But there's a problem with gratitude and that is toxic gratitude. Gratitude is toxic when it's misused or it's forced.

Let me share with you five ways that we misuse or force gratitude and it becomes a hindrance instead of a help. Number one, it can invalidate real emotions.

Saying just be grateful is like talking to someone who's drowning and saying, well, just enjoy the water. It invalidates our real struggles, our real trials, our real heartache, and our real fears.

Number two, right along with that, it creates guilt for any time we feel negative. We should just be grateful all the time. That means there's no space to feel sadness, to feel heartache, to feel angry.

And those are important emotions that are signals to us that something needs to shift and change in our life. And so it's good to feel those feelings so that we can process through them. And we're not bad people for feeling them.

Number three, it can keep people stuck in bad situations. Toxic gratitude tells people to be thankful for abuse, burnout, or toxic relationships instead of setting boundaries or leaving. And number four, it can block real healing.

We can't spiritually bypass the heart. We can't spiritually bypass the challenging feelings. We need to process through them so that we can really feel that healing and growth.

And then the last piece is that it sometimes becomes a mask instead of a mindset. True gratitude brings peace and clarity. Toxic gratitude forces a fake smile and silences the truth in order to look spiritual.

On the other hand, real gratitude is the fastest way to connect to Heavenly Father, to open yourself to receive revelation, to overcome fear, and to create abundance in any area of your life.

Gratitude is the key element in a meaningful relationship with God, and is a key element in our ability to connect to miracles and to feel loved. So what is real gratitude? Well, I'll tell you what it's not.

It's not that fakey, fakey, everything is great, slapping happy on crappy. It's not what it is. It is a deep, heartfelt expression of love for God and thankfulness for all things born from faith and trust in God's plan for us and our families.

Let's go to the scriptures. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. We've talked about this story before.

Let's talk about it again. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were about to be thrown into the fiery furnace.

And in my mind, it's like Raiders of the Last Arc, when they're about to, when they open the arc and everybody's face melts because they've thrown so much fire and so much fuel into this fire and it's so hot that the people who are standing around it

are all dying. They're melting because the furnace is so hot. And Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, before they go into the fire, they make the statement of faith.

They say, if it so be, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fire furnace.

They're like, he can, and he will deliver us out of line hand, O King, but if he doesn't, but if not, we know, be it known unto thee, O King, we will not serve thy gods nor worship thy golden image which thou hast set up.

So these boys are hopeful that the God is going to save them, but they don't have a guarantee.

In their deepest trial and trauma, without a promise or a guarantee that they would be delivered, these brave boys decided, they chose to reaffirm their faith in God, who may or may not save them.

Choosing to believe in God when the storms are swirling, when lives are in danger, and when the pain seems insurmountable, opens us up to incredible miracles.

In verse 24 and 25, it says, the king was astonished and rose up in haste and spake, did we not cast three men bound into the midst of the fire?

He answered and said, Lo, I see four men loose walking in the midst of the fire, and they have no hurt, and the form of the fourth is like the Son of God.

God doesn't always prevent the pain or stop the challenges or make it so the trials don't happen, but he's with us in the midst of it, just like he was with Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in the fiery furnace.

Now, our deliverance may not be as miraculous as Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. In fact, the resolution we may be seeking or the answers we may long for may not be forthcoming right away.

Nevertheless, Jesus Christ will stand by us in our own fiery furnaces. So how do we summon the faith and the courage to believe and carry on in the midst of heart-shattering experiences?

The thing that causes us the most pain is our resistance to what is. It's not supposed to be like this. They're not supposed to be like this.

It's not supposed to be like this. Our need to cling to some form of control and fight what is by fixing, changing, and forcing solutions causes tremendous anxiety and fear.

The false pride hinders our ability to fill God's love and receive his peace and direction. When we are shouldering all of the responsibility ourselves and frantically trying to pick up the pieces, we don't leave space for God.

If we are going to figure out all by ourselves, what do we really need him for anyway?

Are you willing to do something really hard, but will open your heart to receive the miracle of peace and joy and perhaps hasten the deliverance you so desperately need? It's called praising God for the hard. Gratitude is good.

Remember, that's what's causing us the most pain. Merlin Crowther's in his book, Prison to Praise, explains it so much better than I can. This is what he says.

He says, The very act of praise releases the power of God into a set of circumstances and enables God to change them if it is his design. Very often it is our attitudes that hinder the solution to a problem.

The prayer of praise is the highest form of communion with God, one that always releases a great deal of power into our lives. Let me repeat that. Very often it is our attitudes that hinder the solution to a problem.

one that always releases a great deal of power into our lives. Praising Him is not something we do because we feel good, rather it is an act of obedience.

Often the prayer of praise is done in sheer teeth-gritting willpower, yet when we persist in it, somehow the power of God is released into us and into the situation. When we praise God, we thank Him for our situation, not in spite of it.

We are not trying to avoid our dilemmas. Rather, Jesus Christ is showing us a way to overcome them. Praise is not another way of bargaining with the Lord.

We don't say, now we've praised you in the middle of this mess, so get us out of it. Praising God with a pure heart means we must let God cleanse our hearts from impure motives and hidden designs.

We have to experience dying to self, which is false pride, so that we can live again in Christ in a newness of mind and spirit. The sacrifice of praise is offered when all is darkness around us.

It is offered of a heavy heart unto God because He is God. He is God's light, Father and Lord. As we begin to praise Him, His Holy Spirit begins to fill our being more and more.

End quote. Let's look at this in one of the most tragic, dysfunctional family moments in all of scripture. You think your family has problems?

Not nearly as many problems or challenges as this crazy family in the scriptures, which actually happens to be the prophet and his family. So let's dive into the scriptures. We're going to go to 1st Nephi chapter 18.

This is Nephi and his brothers and his family, and they're on the boat on their way to the Promised Land. And the problem is, is that Laman and Lemuel and their buddies have all decided to party. They're partying on the boat.

And Nephi is very concerned because he knows the liahona or the compass that they are using only works when they're being obedient and they're making good choices, which currently Laman and Lemuel and his buddies are not.

And so Nephi reaches out to them and says, hey, you guys, we've got to stop partying. We've got to stop. And Laman and Lemuel, they don't like that at all.

So they tie Nephi up and they tie him up so tight, he can't even move. I want you to imagine that he's so tied up, like he can't move, and he's there for four days. And God just doesn't like that.

And a huge, huge, huge storm comes up. So imagine this, they're in this massive storm. Lehi has tried to talk to Laman and Lemuel.

Ishmael, the two patriarchs in the family, have tried to talk Laman and Lemuel out of this, and they've tried to talk Nephi. They like, let Nephi go. The compass is no longer working.

They can't steer the boat. They're in this massive storm. In fact, it is so bad that this is what it says in verse 17 and 18.

Now, my father Lehi had said many things unto them and also to the sons of Ishmael, but behold, they did breathe out much threatenings against anyone that should speak for me.

And my parents, being stricken in years and having suffered much grief because of their children, they were brought down, yea, even upon their sick beds.

They were so emotionally distraught by the contention and the destruction and the challenges of this family situation that they were literally sick.

In fact, because of their grief and much sorrow, the iniquity of my brother, they were brought near even to be carried out this time to meet their God.

Yea, their gray hairs were about to be brought down to life low in the dust, even they were near to be cast into a watery grave.

And Jacob and Joseph, also being young and having much need of nourishment, were grieved because of the afflictions of their mother and also my wife.

And her tears and her prayers and my children did not soften the hearts of my brother and that they would lose me. I don't think words can express the tremendous trauma of these people on the boat. Mom and dad are about to die.

The kids can't be fed because their mother can't nurse them. Everyone is crying and screaming and begging for Laman and Lemuel to let Nephi go. The boat is about to sink.

They're in this terrible storm and Laman and Lemuel will not budge. Let's see how Nephi handles it.

In 1st Nephi chapter 18, verse 16, it says, Nevertheless, I did look unto my God and I did praise him all the day long, and I did not murmur against the Lord because of my afflictions. Do you have that much faith?

Well, the storm gets worse and worse, and they're about to drown and die, and so that's the only thing that causes Laman and Lemuel to untie Nephi, and they do. And then it says in verse 21, And it came to pass that I prayed into the Lord.

And after I prayed, the winds did cease, and the storm did cease, and there was a great calm. And it came to pass that I, Nephi, did guide the ship, and we sailed again towards the promised land.

Is it possible that we could be like Nephi, grateful in any circumstances?

Elder Uchtdorf, in his talk, called that, grateful in any circumstances, said, it might sound contrary to the wisdom of the world to suggest that one who is burdened with sorrow should give thanks to God.

But those who set aside the bottle of bitterness and lift instead the goblet of gratitude can find a purifying drink of healing, peace, and understanding.

Could I suggest that we see gratitude as a disposition, a way of life that stands independent of our current situation?

In other words, I'm suggesting that instead of being thankful for things, we focus on being thankful in our circumstances, whatever they may be. My dear brothers and sisters, the choice is ours.

We can choose to limit our gratitude based on the blessings we feel we lack, or we can choose to be like Nephi whose grateful heart never faltered. We can choose to be like Job, who seemed to have everything and then lost it all.

Yet Job responded by saying, naked came I out of my mother's womb and naked shall I return. The Lord gave and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

This type of gratitude transcends whatever is happening around us. It surpasses disappointment, discouragement, and despair. Being grateful in times of distress does not mean that we are pleased with our circumstances.

It does mean that through the eyes of faith, we look beyond our present day challenges. This is not gratitude of the lips, but of the soul. It is a gratitude that heals the heart and expands the mind.

I decided that I wanted to figure out if this was a true principle, and if it really worked, and if it would really work in my life.

Several years ago, I was struggling with such debilitating back pain, that I struggled to walk, to move, to dress myself. In fact, one day, I just laid on the bedroom floor and cried because I couldn't even get up to dress myself.

It was a tough spot to be in. And yet, I still had work to do. And so I thought, hmm, I wonder how this will work for me.

And so I sat on my couch at the beginning of the day, and I prayed and I told Heavenly Father how grateful I was for the back pain. I was grateful that my back hurt. I was grateful for the challenges I was facing.

I was grateful for the lessons it was teaching me. And I was grateful to see what outcome would come from it. And I was grateful that my back hurt.

That was the main theme of the prayer. And I ended the prayer, and I got up and I worked. And I noticed that throughout the day, my back did not hurt at all.

I was able to do an entire day's worth of work, and my back did not hurt again until after I had completed the day's work. This is a principle that can bless your life in so many ways.

And I have learned over the years, and since that experience, to be grateful for the challenges, for the trials, for the difficult circumstances that I've been in, and I have seen not only answers come, but tremendous amount of peace and an ability

to feel God's love in the middle of the pain and the challenges. As I have done that, I would like to end with one last scripture and quote.

In First Thessalonians 5, 16 through 18, it says, rejoice evermore, pray without ceasing in everything, give thanks for this is the will of God, Jesus Christ, Christ Jesus concerning you.

And then, Catherine Thomas said this in Light in the Wilderness. A second sight develops, which permits us to see the Lord's love radiating in nature at work, both in those around us and in life's daily details.

As we express our thanks to Him and to each other, we create a peaceful, enlightened, and spiritual atmosphere.

Our thanks replaces the griping, the self-pity, the murmuring against events and people, the feeling of being overwhelmed, the wrenching fear, also the pride, the arrogance, and the self-righteousness.

Dear reader, if you wish to feel the most penetrating power of the Spirit, try experimenting the experiment of giving thanks in the moment of disappointment, of tragedy, of the specter of ruin.

When you are able to do it consistently, you will feel as though you have discovered and united with the mysteries of life. Today, I invite you to practice this principle of gratitude for the heart, gratitude in any circumstances.

It is a gratitude that comes from faith and hope and belief that God is in the middle of our lives and he is in the details. And as you do this, you will more easily feel God's love.

You will more easily see the miracles that are active and happening currently in your life. And you will more easily be able to feel the peace that we also desperately need. Thank you so much for being here today.

Thank you for taking the time to listen to this podcast. Will you do me a favor? Will you please share this with someone you know will love it?

Again, thanks for being here.